well, shit

that is hilarious. i didn't do any of the things i said i was going to do. actually, that's horrible. i'm sorry. i intended to but you know, stuff happened that kept me from writing. a truck fell on my head, i got hit by a piano, the weather was horrible for almost the last year.

so this blogging stuff. i'm sure it will be great once i figure it out. it seems like several of my friends have blogs but they're moms so they have things to say. but so do i. i hope.

Fat Woman Busts Move.

alright. i'm gonna do it. two difficult disciplines at the same time: start a long-overdue blog and start a long-overdue exercise routine - i'm going to start practicing Yoga.

i begin tomorrow, monday, december 20th. to commemorate that last sentence, i did a jello shot. it was blue. it was strong. it was delish. am i going to be able to do jello shots while practicing yoga? for the answer to this and many other questions about this yoga process, i'm going to be relying on my friend Dina, who is a certified Yogi. i'm also going to lean on my friend Sammi, who is a writer. for the dieting portion of the process i will be relying on G, my wonderful, gorgeous, tattooed boyfriend, who is an authority on the proper way to slim down while burning body fat. G lost 40 pounds last year. my goal is to develop and recover my long-lost flexibility, gain core and upper body strength and lose 30 pounds while writing the truth about beginning yoga as a fat, middle-aged, former athlete/dancer procrastinator.

tomorrow morning i'm gonna post all the specifics of me. i'm gonna to weigh in on an accurate scale, document my body measurements and not lie about it. tomorrow is going to suck, i can fucking tell you that right fucking now.

so this is the beginning, a preliminary little blurb that i'm writing to commit myself to doing this. i might as well start now, tonight, because i'm not sure what will happen tomorrow when i change my life -or not. i'm a huge procrastinator, especially when sleep, a sofa, beer, cookies or an internet connection are a possibility. i can fritter a day away like nobody's business. so while i sit here at G's house watching 60 Minutes, drinking a bailey's and coffee, inspired by the very best intentions, i may be full of shit and kinda drunk. i may not do it. but i'm gonna try.

(insert Yoda's throaty, croaky voice, saying, "there is no try. there is do or do not.")

i've also decided to keep a blog because it may help to motivate me to continue (aka shame me into continuing) practicing both writing and yoga. it certainly will motivate me to write, even if i reveal too much and make an ass of myself. i'm gonna try to be as honest as i can about the effects of yoga on my body on a tri-weekly basis. keep in mind that i'm going to be adjusting my diet to a fat-burning regimen so i'm assuming i'll be especially cranky, which may prove super amusing to anyone bored enough to follow this blog. i may rant about inconsequential, seemingly unrelated shit. in fact, i kinda hope that happens because i don't want to be bored by myself. and there's a whole tertiary potential effect this process could have... i'll be documenting how a 'zen' practice affects my inner bitch. instead of getting ugly, it may get pretty. is the world ready for a kinder, gentler Manley Woman? am i?

i'll keep you posted.